Nahthen, long time no see, eh?
Anyroad, never mind, I'm here now.
Fuck me, it's been warm ant it? I've been flopping down in the garden, too bolloxed to do anything. My favourite spot is under some orange flowered grass things.
I had a few sneaky shits in his maize garden, thought I'd got away with it but no, the twat noticed.
I've got to say though, it does fucking stink of shit quite bad.
The new Felix mixture of duck & turkey is to blame. Mind it's better than that Whiskas. I mean, everyone knows cats can't digest bread or wheat or corn, so why is Whiskas 5% meat and 96% meal, whatever the fuck meal is.(yeah yeah I know, maths isn't my strong point)
The other night I went out for my midnight slash and occasional shit and did a little exploration.
Some twat has put bastard creosote on a fence. I mean, how the fuck was I to know? It was dark.
Contrary to ancient legend, we can't see fuck all in the dark anymore than you can.
I was covered in it. I stank awful, just fucking bloody awful. He got hold of me and wiped me with a wet cloth from a plastic bag with "pet wipes" written on the side. It took three wipes to clean me sufficiently for them to let me lie on my bed, well their bed actually but I commandeered it.
So I'm a pet am I? Well fuck 'em then. I always thought I was just one of the family.
This is me with my cat nip infused cushion. And below, having a bite to eat.