Aye up. Hows it hanging? By 'eck, it's ages since I had a bash on here. I've been busy cataloging their eating habits on a new blog. You'll see what luxurious stuff they eat compared to the shite they give me, and I'll tell thee what, it is shite.
When we take over the world, they'll be eating pollock & tuna (64% fish) crap like we have to out of a tacky cheap plastic sachet and we'll be eating whole fresh spit roasted mice, oak smoked grilled goldfish and sparrow au vin and shit like that. Just you see.
Cats Can Cook
Have a gander. It's under my real name.
Of course you all knew Fuggit was a pseudonym didn't you?
No? Well fuck me pink sideways, anyway the cat's out of the bag now.
Winter's coming dammit. I hate all the cold. I'm a warm cat not a cool cat.
Then there's Xmas and we all have to wear stupid bastard hats. Well I do anyway.
Listen, I've got this theory, I might be right, I might be wrong, but it's this: the big shops are taking the piss out of you humans at Christmas. It's just a theory. I might be talking shite. Yeah yeah, I know, I'm just a bollockbrained cat talking like a twat. We'll be having Felix turkey with fuckin' holly leaves on the side of the box next. Maybe one of you might want to consider looking into it, you know, whether supermarkets are taking you all for
Christmas pudding stinks rank. Rum sauce smells deadly but I love that whipped cream stuff. I recognise the noise it makes when they squirt it and most times I'm in the kitchen like shit through a goose before they've finished squirting. Unless I'm in REM. I snore sometimes in REM. And dream. I hear them talking but I'm well out of it, I hear bollocks like "look at her little paws moving". Yer know, it's fuckin' knackering dreaming about being chased by a bastard dog, I'm well bolloxed after a running dream. I hate dogs. Dogs reek worse than a Japanese tuna filleters crotch. Or so I'm told. They have this sweaty piss smell about 'em all the time. The Japanese tuna dudes that is, not dogs. Dogs stink worse than that. I'm not frightened of them though. That's what sharp pointy claws are for, dogs noses.
Anyway, fuck you all, I'm off to the snoring pit.